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Wednesday
May152013

The Re-education of Chris Copeland

When I was in Spain way back around 2007, we had a crazy team. Our coach made Hannibal look like Tinkerbell, we had two players who, over the course of the year I web M.D. diagnosed with bi-polar disorder (you're welcome), but also some great guys. Brad Oleson, from Fairbanks, Alaska, who now plays with Barcelona, Charles Ramsdall, Camilo Rivero etc etc. 

So anyway, first day of training camp, in walks this baby-faced kid, with the shy smile and ridiculous jump shot. The first season in Europe is the hardest for any player, you are yet to make a name for yourself so you're constantly walking a tightrope while desperately trying to fit in. It's tough, and if you get through it you can point to your first season as a sort of coming of age year.

Chris didn't last long in Santiago. I talked to him here and there over the years, then one day this past fall I pick up the LA times and I read that some guy named Copeland scored 34 for the Knicks against the Celtics in the preseason. So.... this piece is an attempt to fill in the gaps, understand how an insecure kid no one had ever heard of went from there to here. While, in some small way, hoping to understand my own path. Enjoy.

http://www.sbnation.com/longform/2013/4/11/4174374/chris-copeland-new-york-knicks-profile

Thursday
Feb282013

Smush Parker SAVES THE WORLD

I recently wrote an article for the Classical about Smush Parker saving western civilization. It's a pretty cool story, and true, check it out if you like yogurt (you'll understand after read it).

Anyway, what really struck me after the piece went up was how popular (I use that term loosely) in the twitter world Smush still is. If you type his name into a search there are still dozens of reference to him everyweek, all negative. Even a Lakers website had a battle royale to pick the worst point guard in Lakers history last month and Smush won by a landslide. 

Ok, Smush is Smush, he's lazy and probably not a great teammate, I saw that first hand. But that can be said of hundreds of players, probably half of the NBA, you can argue that Kobe is a terrible teammate. (Honestly, I'd hate to play with Kobe, if he ever told me to put on my 'big boy pants' in public like he did to Pau we'd have some serious issues). If you look at Smush's NBA numbers though, they are comparable to the revered Derek Fisher, and Smush was mostly playing out of position his two years with the Lakers. If anything Smush should be praised for coming out of nowhere, literary nowhere (undrafted out of Fordham) and winning a starting spot on the Lakers, instead he's seen the epitome of wasted talent and apathy.

Of course one of the reasons he's so loathed has to do with how we, as a basketball watching public, are so obsessed with NBA celebrity. Kobe called him the 'worst' player he's played with years after Smush was on the Lakers and if Kobe said it then we all jump on the bad player bandwagon and condemn Smush to a lifetime of twitter purgatory. Ironically Smush hasn't played in the NBA in like 4 years and is still a pretty good player by world standards.  

Another reason Smush is still the target of so much twitter ire is probably because Smush has an amazingly memorable name that just feels good rolling off your tongue. Try it, say it out loud....Fans, I believe, are holding onto a deep seated unsatiable Smush-filled anger that he wasn't a better player and didn't have a long enough NBA career so we could make nightly Smush-y references for a decade or more, and that hurts all of us. :-(

Smush however, has had his revenge and saved us all from ourselves and the loss of good Greek Yogurt. He's not a superhero as you might think. He's just a man, with a great name and a horrible nemesis and great sense of breakfast food.

The article- http://theclassical.org/articles/when-smush-parker-saved-the-world

Video evidence (Smush is #6 in blue)- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hcAXMKovSE&playnext=1&list=PLD76E55AB48BC7130&feature=results_video

Thursday
Nov292012

Ricky Rubio: The Prodigy

I did an article for the fantastic The Classical. If you don't know this website, it's time to get involved kids. It's some great sportswriting, and their Why We Watch series is one of the best things on the web. The entire series is great, but my favorites are the one's on Rasheed Wallace, Rajon Rondo, and most recently Steve Novak.

Here's mine, enjoy:

http://theclassical.org/articles/the-ricky-rubio-experience

Thursday
Nov012012

3 Important things about the NBA that should consume your life


1. Linsanity 2.0

I recently read an article that claimed Jeremy Lin is the dumbest harvard graduate ever for asking for an extra $5 million during the third and final year of his contract with the Rockets. In essence, pricing out the Knicks who would've had to match the $14 million dollars and pay a substantial luxury tax equaling $43 million over the life of his contract. Instead the Knicks signed Raymond Felton, who they'd already shipped off to Portland once and who, while there, imploded to become the most hated player on the Blazers (if you're hated in the land of lattes and forests you might need to consider some serious life changes) and Jason Kidd, who apparently is still in the NBA. Despite a spike of something like $600 million in the value of the MSG co. during Linsanity last year the Knicks and president Jim Dolan let Lin walk, and both parties ultimately missed out on untold milllions and gazillions in future marketing. Was it spite? Was it bad business? What seemed like a marriage made in basketball marketing heaven went south and left many scratching their heads. Simple business they said. I disagree. Lin made the right move, maybe he lost some money in the long run but despite what he might have said, he never wanted to stay in New York. It's not an easy place to play, ask A-Rod. When every turnover and bad pass is dissected and scrutinized and you become the beacon of hope for every disgruntled New York fan and their insatiable appetite for success it can be overwhelming, especially when you're the reason the team can't sign any more free agents. An intelligent, analytical guy understands that to hone your craft as a young player you need the space and freedom to make some mistakes, by staying with the Knicks it can pretty much be assumed you won't get that space. Not to mention who wants to stand back and watch Carmelo massage and caress the ball while simultaneously making love to the right side of the floor for 40 minutes a game?

On the other side, Dolan and GM Grunfeld, you made the correct move, even if your childish reasons for making that move defy business logic, from a basketball standpoint you deserve a pat on the back. After years of Isiah Thomas throwing money around like it's 3am at a Vegas stripclub, the Larry Brown debacle and the rickety knees of Amare etc, the Knicks need a little stability, and the uncertainty of Lin's long-term value on the court meant it was yet another risk. (And you can't bottle Linsanity for consumption, it was amazing while it lasted but like FernandoMania or NomoMania or BieberFever these things die down and their value wane) Maybe you lose a fewlet it go 'Melo, let it go million, but fans don't care about the value of MSG they want to win or at least this season be better than the Nets. Perhaps Felton is ehhh, and maybe Kidd is struggling with early-onset Osteoporosis but you know exactly what you are going to get and that's a good thing. It's not a championship thing but it's a good thing. Of course, the lingering question remains how good is Lin? He's only started a handful of games and sure he was awesome but can he continue to be awesome? Knicks fans will be keeping a close eye on Houston, if in fact Lin continues to be the player we saw last year then you have to wonder if fans will be in the streets of Manhattan asking for Grunfeld and Dolan's head on a platter.

2. Always bet on the Bobcat

We all know Michael Jordan was a great player and is a terrible dresser but what you don't know is he's the savviest owner in professional sports. Say what?! No, seriously, sports is a business, like all businesses the goal is to make money. Most owners go about this by winning games and championships, not Mr. Jordan. It's become clear to me in the last few months that he has, in a The Producers-style stroke of genius, come up with a way to satiate his betting desires and beat the house. He's delicately put the pieces in place to build the worse basketball team ever right under our noses, then bet the farm that the Bobcats won't reach that magical futility number of 9 wins that the Sixers 'achieved' in '72-'73. How else do you explain a Bobcats team that in a strike shortened year compiled the worst winning percentage ever (10.6%) last season only to fire the likable Paul Silas and hire Mike Dunlap, a coach whose only previous full head coaching jobs were with Cal Luthern (who?) and Metro State (Is that really the name of a University?). If I knew anyone could get the job I would have applied, I was once assistant coach at my Junior High for 4 games and we won 2 of them. Take note Mike, that's a 50%! winning percentage. The team then went and acquired Ben Gordon as their marquee signing, an underachieving, ball-hogging shooting guard whose sole job is to jack up 20 shots a game in an empty arena. I'm on to you Mike, so two weeks ago I drove over to Vegas and put down $500 on the Bobcats to finish with the worst record ever at 3.75 to 1. So maybe you're not convinced yet, but come April, Michael and I will be laughing all the way to the bank.

3. So why did we have a lock-out?

Last season didn't get started until December after owners and the players association bickered and pointed fingers for months and months. Revenue sharing was at the heart of it, but also small market owners fed up with players joining forces for super-power alliances in large market cities. These teams wanted to maintain parity and still have a shot at a championship. So, change revenue sharing, up the luxury tax for exceeding the salary cap and voila! no more super powers right? Wrong, we have reached the age of the super-friends superheros. The Lakers, the Heat, the Nets-ish, The Knicks-kinda, The Thund...no wait, not the Thunder because the Thunder play in a place called 'Oklahoma' which as far as I can tell isn't not one of those places you'd actually ever want to move to (I actually spend every summer there as a kid watching MASH and eating Dairy Queen, I can confirm it is in fact not a place you'd want to move to). So after winning the Western Conference last year Oklahoma City tried to keep their triumvirate of talent together, except they couldn't afford the newer, harsher luxury tax because now only teams in bigger markets can now afford the higher salary cap restrictions, so they had to trade James Harden, a star in the a making to the Rockets. Despite getting a good deal for him, and securing long-term security the Thunder sacrificed any hope of winning the championship this year. Where were does that leave the NBA? Has it turned into the Premier League or Formula 1 or simply modern day capitalism where the rich devour the poor? I, for one don't mind, who doesn't want to see a team with four future Hall of Famers like the Lakers work through the season-long nuisances of team-building to destroy all competition then have to face the beast of the east, the Heat in the finals. Two super-powers with hate in their eyes whose ownership won't accept anything less than a championship, that's what made the NBA great in the 80's. Casual fans don't care about the Pittsburgh Steamrollers or the Cincinnati Royals or any of those random teams that arent from LA, NY, Chicago, or Miami. There is a reason why the Premier League is the most watch sporting association in the world, because the concentration of stars on a few well known teams make the product. For James Harden it's the best thing that can happen to him, he'll turn into a star and help Jeremy Lin fulfill his potential alongside him (to the chagrin of Knicks fan everywhere) and when this contract is over he can do what all self-respecting superstars do, navigate toward the bright lights in search of a super-team.

 

 

Saturday
Oct272012

5 things we've learned this election cycle

1. Zingers determine the future of the planet.

So all this time I was under the impression that policy ideas and maybe a sprinkle of personality would sway the presidential election. You know, maybe some well-timed speeches, strong economic plans, and of course a good debate performance might persuade a few undecided voters. I was wrong. Apparently the future of the western world is in the hands of the candidate who can deliver the most 'zingers.'  'Horses and Bayonets,' Touchdown! 'I don't want to go down the path to Spain,' Yippe ka-yay muthafucka! 'I don't look at my pension, it's not as big as yours.' Boo-yaa! And let's be honest when an entire industry is hired before the debates as 'fact-checkers' then you know most of what you're going to hear is either entirely false or manipulated to veer towards false. But by landing more 'zingers' in the first debate Romney jumped nearly 5 points in the polls?! Not because his policies seemed more economically sound (I dare one person to quote any of his policy statements) but because he was perhaps quicker and more clever (and quite frankly he's got a great hairline that would make any middle-age man proud). So even though Obama changed strategy and landed some great lines in subsequent debates, the damage had been done- Romney was now, not seen as out-of-his-depth or flip-flopping like dolphin out of water it was much worse than that for the democrats, he was (gasp!)... funny.

2. You don't matter

Unless you're from places like Ohio or Wisconsin or Florida your vote is meaningless. I get it, you've been told all your life that your vote matters. It doesn't. California, New York, Oregon you guys can stop all those town hall meetings and dinner table discussions your state is going blue. It's been decided months ago, years ago. Georgia, Wyoming, Texas, good luck getting some face time with these candidates unless you want to a have a millionaires fundraising dinner your state is going red. I get it, states rights yada-yada, otherwise candidates would only campaign in California, New York, Illinois, you know the important states. But then why would I even pay attention to this election cycle, if my state is predetermined? ...

3. Condoms

Ah yes, condoms. California where we understand that no election ever has to be boring. Two years ago it was initiave 420 that narrowly lost to the dismay of stoners everywhere, and in 2008 it was the bitter battle for same-sex marriage. This year in Los Angeles County Measure B will determine if Porn 'performers' (I still prefer to call them stars) would be forced to use condoms during filming. Opponents and proponents are bombarding us with billboards about the virtue of condoms or the reasons they shouldn't wear condoms. I, for one, am a little split on this. No one wants to see 'performers' contract any diseases especially HIV, however extensive testing is already done. And not that I watch a lot of porn but nevertheless if I can't find a girl for those lonely nights I don't want condoms reminding me about real life, things like pregnancies, STD's, icky! It's a fantasy and most people that watch porn feel like this, therefore filming will just move out of town and editors, camera crew, etc will be out of work or forced to move to Vegas or wherever they'll be accepted. Or, simply, it will move underground and become ever more unsafe. Either option doesn't seem ideal but porn isn't going anywhere (thank god). I'm not sure if this is a statement on Los Angeles or the electoral college in general but when this  election season is more about prophylactics than the economy or the President something must be wrong, right?. Or maybe it's not, maybe the entire voting public just isn't very smart and zingers, and sex is actually what matters... or maybe what really matters is pig farming, yes pig farming...

4. Follow the hand, follow the hand... In 3 seconds you will vote for the pig farmer...3...2...1

You know what matters in elections. Hotness. That's right, not a college degree, not worldly ideas or forward thinking not even giving speeches for the UN . Being hot and watching farm animals that's what matters and if you think otherwise you're a radical thinking communist who just wasted your life getting (brace yourself) college degrees and thinking about stuff. 

(Keep in mind while watching this that Noem is up 10 points in the polls, God Bless America)

 

5. Hatred

One thing that shone through in the debates was how much Obama and Romney actually hate each other. Not just have differences but seriously seriously dislike each other. Forcing themselves to grit their teeth and bite their tongue every time the other spoke. But, nowhere was the hate as intense then between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan. Watching Biden belittle Ryan by referring to him as 'my friend over here' was fantastic. Then, when Biden dropped the bomb by letting the world know he was the man in the middle, shot callin' and wreckin' shop in those wild bipartisan talks with Reagan and Tipper O'neill in '82 before Ryan was even 'shittin' green and potty trained!' Damn son! that was a monumental moment of contempt and brilliance and quite frankly changed my entire opinion of Biden. Perhaps I don't remember the actual details of what they were talking about or if he even proved his point or not, but boy Biden sure looked good saying it while waving around that sexy white mane of his. Throw that man on a farm and he's got my vote!

 

Flapping and Flipping like a dolphin