i wish i was a little bit taller

So the new year has come and I'm still without a job. I've decided to be a little more pro-active in 2010 and expand my horizons beyond just a basketball career.

I'm living for the time being in Highbury, North London, about 3 blocks from Emirates Stadium where Arsenal plays their home games. I also recently read in an article that Arsene Wegner, the manager, is looking for a scoring striker to complete his squad. 

like a boss!It seemed like a bit of destiny, that I would not only live around the corner from Arsenal, but also be out of work at the same time. I could stay in shape for basketball and score some goals for the home team. So i decided to give Mr. Wegner an email, problem was I called the Arsenal offices and no one would give me his email, so I decided I'd email the communications department in the hopes they would pass it along.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: flinder boyd <lildozen@gmail.com>

Date: Mon, Jan 11, 2010 at 4:50 PM

Subject: Striker!

To: communications@arsenal.co.uk

Dear Communications department,

I'm sending this email in the hopes of reaching Arsene Wegner. If you could please pass this along. He is the french-accented slightly grumpy white haired guy on the sidelines during games (although better not to give him this email during the actual game.)

I'm writing because I've recently read that Arsenal is looking for a striker for their injury-depleted team, in order to compete for the premier league title. Although I've never played formally, I think I would be an excellent candidate for your Arsenal team.

I am a professional athlete who is in need of a job, and your team is in need of a player. I also live 3 blocks from Emirates stadium, I think it is perfect. 

I also possess good speed and quickness and stand substantially under 6 feet tall (even with football spikes, I'm not quite 6 feet tall, don't worry), which I know are qualities that Mr. Wenger greatly admires. 

I also work well with others and have perfected a fantastic post goal celebration where I run towards the corner flag, pull it out of the ground then use it as a light-sabre while jumping through the air and screaming 'death to you Darth Vader!' The other players would then run around like Storm Troopers, mimicking an intergalactic shoot-out. I dive into the stands and crowd-surf as if aboard Millennium Falcon. Its really worth the price of admission.

Among other qualities, I think Mr. Wenger and the board will appreciate that while my skills are plentiful I also come at a cost-cutting price. I know Carlton Cole would cost around £8 million (and he's injured!) I would cost but a fraction of that. Although the terms would still have to be decided I was thinking of around £14.50 and possibly a few vouchers from the Arsenal team store and maybe two tickets to the Man U game. 

We can set up a trial at your earliest convenience. I understand I don't come with a huge amount of credentials, like say Ruud Van Nistelrooy, but I did once score 4 goals in a Tuesday indoor soccer match at the Hollywood YMCA in Los Angeles. Granted the other team were junior high girls and we lost 9-6, but I think that shows that I have a real knack for scoring goals.

I appreciate your time, please pass this to 'Da Boss'

Thank you

Flinder Boyd